27th April

Shire Hill

***MEGA ALERT***

It's true, despite the rumours and discussion on Birdforum, there really is white dog shit currently resident in north west Derbyshire. I swear this isn't some sick joke, I wouldn't do that to you. I'd heard the rumours for ages, and after tapping into the county grapevine, and listening in on the Derbyshire jungle drums, I discovered just enough to go out and find the nest of dog eggs for myself - and at Shire Hill as well!

I sent the picture to Alstrom, Forsman, Garner, Millington, Mullarney, Shirihai, Svensson, MC Malone, Rickets, Wagon, Neville, Mrs Predannack and Schoolmaster Wolstenholme, all of whom agreed that this was pure white dog shit, and that the intermediate morph dog shit in the top left corner has no bearing on the identification of the pure white dog shit in the centre of the photograph.

White dog shit was reportedly extirpated from the British Isles in the early 1990s when dogs were no longer being fed on tripe. Vitamin rich dog foods had effectively brought white dog to the brink of extinction, but obviously not completely! Look out for an exclusive paper in Birding World soon.

25th April

Shit me, check this:

http://www.birdlifemalta.org/view.aspx?id=92

24th April

Torside and Woodhead Reservoirs

Now this is more like it. Nice weather at last. Let's hope it never ever changes. Ever. There were 7+ Lapwings in the flooded fields near Windy Harbour farm, a pair of Oystercatchers looked to be settling down by Torside sailing club where a Common Sand was also whizzing about, a further three Common Sands on Woodhead Resvervoir, 18 singing Willow Warblers between Torside car park and Woodhead, a pair of Tufted Duck on Woodhead, a Swallow (only one, but that's still one more than none), a Curlew (again only one, but that, again, is still one more than none), 9 Lesser Redpolls, and best of all a (one [1]) Black-headed Gull - (Michael) winner!

23rd April

Another vote in the Times of Malta:

http://www.timesofmalta.com/

Scroll down and click "no" and then "vote" in the column on the right (EDIT: this is no longer applicable - suck on my balls). And if they don't listen then it's time to mobilise your people and let's invade Malta!

22nd April

Bottoms Reservoir

Not bad really. Not bad at all. Really. Considering. The wind. And the cold. Not too bad. 12 singing Willow Warblers around the full circumference of the reservoir was worth getting up at 5am for alone. Possibly. But add to this a Common Sandpiper, 6 Chiffchaffs, a Swallow, 4 Siskins, 3 Grey Wagtails, 3 Cormorants and a female Reed Bunting and now we're talking big money. And I haven't even used one single swear word yet. Fu... no, I'm going to resist.

20th April

Shire Hill, Lytham St.Anne's and Warton Bank

Ross's Gull - now we're talking!

An early start at Shire Hill again, and this time bingo (ie success). A juicy fat Wood Warbler singing away and eating cake. I reported it to the birdspotting information services in the morning, but it was later reported again at 4pm, so you know what that means - somebody else has been birdspotting in Glossop. Jesus H.Ratzinger, I'm not alone!

Got to say though, I'm getting sick to my tits of all this wind and rain. Wind and rain. Not good. Bad. Real bad. Makes me sad. Surely there must be a tonic or potion to soothe my April melancholy? You'd think so, but I've tried it all: alcohol, religion, crack, being a hippy, listening to Radiohead, drinking my own piss, auto-erotic asphyxiation, enemas... you name it, I've done it... other than, well, you know what, even I'm not that bad. No, there exists no cure known to Man or beast. Oh God of Earth and altar bow down and hear my cry!

And then a cure, a cure to end this gloom and despair. A high Arctic vagrant of diminutive but nonetheless immense proportions, and I know that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever but I just... don't... ca... re.

adult Ross's Gull - completely tits (trans: excellent)

What a shame this magical snow pixy from the far northern lands of ice and cheese had to be at Lytham St.Anne's, you wouldn't wish that on anyone, not even mad Heather Mills. And damn and blast to this cursed inclement weather - confound it to Hell! Fucking hell. Plenty of birds around here though, with good numbers of Knot on the estuary, many of them getting all red and stuff, a Peregrine zoomed through and put the shits up everything, and four summery Black-tailed Godwits were a year tick, which for such a fanatical list-junky obsessed crazed twitching maniac like me is a major event in my life, even bigger than the incident with the shower nozzle, next doors Great Dane and the pack of fig rolls... I've probably said too much already.

Remember last year when I went to Warton Bank to see the Glossy Ibis with that girl who I married (can't remember her name at the moment)? Remember? I do. Well I went again today and saw it again in exactly the same place. That girl I married wasn't with me though, she had to work today, and on a Sunday as well - ha! There was a female Marsh Harrier today. Anyone still reading? Didn't think so.

***

Two new links in the column on the left. Idiocy Birding and Bluebirder, and both of them should be bookmarked and added to your favourites immediately, because remember, if you're not featured in my super mega links column on the left it means you're fucking shit and have sex with animals and dead people... and even dead animals, you sick perverts, how can you live with yourselves?

***

Coming soon... that Spain trip report I'm supposed to write up... soon... ish

19th April

Shire Hill

Eighteen days without an update. Sorry about that. But this blogging thing gets really hard after a while. I don't know how big league bird bloggers like Charlie at 10,000 Birds manage it. Charlie's always got something interesting to write about, yet I've never had anything even remotely interesting to write about in nearly three years of doing this dross week in week out. That certainly hasn't stopped me though - you can't keep a good man down, and you can't keep a complete cunt like me down either.

Twas windy in the vale of Glossop this morning, and not a creature did stir in Shire Hill's wood, save for the 4 Willow Warblers, Chiffchaff, drumming Woodpeckers, bubbling Curlew and billions of Coal Tits (3). Tits were the highlight (aren't they always, wink wink, nudge nudge... hahahahahahaha, that's soooooooooooooooo funny, wanker), with many of them doing that pathetic display thing where they hold out their wings slightly and then just violently vibrate in an attempt to impress other tits in the area. I reckon you could get £150 from You've Been Framed if you sent in some footage of vibrating tits. "Vibrating tits" - excellent! Do you remember the Vibrating Bum-Faced Goats in Viz? I do. Just thought I'd share that with you. You'll thank me one day.